Confusion is a persons worst enemy. I realised this two years back when for the first time in my life I was confused and irritated that I was confused. I barely managed to sort that out or should I say my first decision sorted that out for me making me realise that it was the wrong one. It was hard from there as the decision I had let go off was not very forgiving in the initial days. However, the point being it was during those days that I had come face to face with the fact that being confused can ruin your life.
The worse part is that I have been followed by confusion ever since. Even today I am confused, this time about life in general. I am a person who has always known what I want to do next. Or there has been something or the other going on in my mind that I have to pick up next. It is a sad thing that I have lost purpose in my life. I do not know what I want to do next. I have lost insight. I have lost my passions. I have lost the will to pursue my passions.
Most of all I have lost my writing.
It is not that I have not been writing. In the past six months or so, I have been trying. I wrote a few lines and then I thought I moving away from the topic and so scrapped it. I wrote things a couple of times but not anything great. Today when I write, I write about how I have lost my life, my passion and my writing. I do not call this writing. I call this letting go. I have come to terms with the fact that I have got no inspiration. I need to inspire myself. How I am going to do that is something I am still trying to figure out. Though I know I will overcome this and soon. I say so because I know what is keeping me from letting my heart out and I don’t want to keep everything inside. I need to damn the world and concentrate on me. I am and should be the most important person in my life. I will work on it and will be stronger.
I feel lighter now, after long time…
Thanks PP for motivating me to write what I feel, because that is what I did today.